Image Source: SomeeCard from TheySmell.com
My Odd Christmas Memories
I really love this time of year and I’ve probably mentioned that a ton of times by now, but what I haven’t mentioned are the hilarious, straight-up, weird as hell moments that have occurred in my life over the holidays gone by. And I think it’s about time we change that, don’t you? Because what kind of blogger would I be if I didn’t absolutely over share on my personal public forum? That’s what I thought, too 😉
Weird Sh*t People Say to You
I don’t know what it is about the holidays that makes some people get so weird, but it’s true. The holidays makes people want to be a little too merry, a little too honest, and a little too weird so I thought I’d share some of my personal favorites from years gone by.
- “Are you pregnant?” And no, it’s not that I looked pregnant. It’s that creepy relatives are having creepy wishful thinking moments. I’m 25, no kids, and it feels like relatives are hovering like vultures waiting to become a baby snatcher the moment I pop one out. I find it a little terrifying, to be honest…
- “So, when are you having kids?” Uhm, not now? Why is this your business? Talk about the most awkward question ever.
- and this little gem “Is that your sister’s boyfriend?” A few years ago, I was casually dating this guy and I decided it would be a fun idea to have him over to my dad’s house for NYE. The first question out of my dad’s mouth was, “So, is that Elizabeth’s boyfriend?” I’m not really sure how he jumped to that conclusion as I brought the guy with me, but needless to say it was a really awkward experience haha.
Weird Sh*t People Give You
I have a penchant for getting weird gifts from people. Or maybe it’s that I know weird people give everyone strange presents. Either way, I’ve received some odd sh*t during the holidays and there’s no better way to share the hilarity than with you here, on my blog, for the world, because why not?
- Spin Art. It’s not that spin art is a weird gift to give a kid. In fact, when I was a kid, spin art would’ve been an awesome gift the receive. The problem is that I was already 17 when I received this gift while my 15 year old sister got a makeup kaboodle. I wasn’t annoyed or angry; just confused. How does this make sense?
- A Pill Box. I don’t know if this was an accident or not, but I felt too awkward to ask and I was too busy laughing about it, if I’m honest. I was only about 18 or 19 when I got this shining gift 😛
- Glitter Shower Gel Kit from the Pharmacy (now CVS or Rite Aid at the time). Again, this isn’t a bad gift in and of itself, but at the time, I was about 15 and the gift set was, at best, meant for a 10 year old. Not only that, but to add insult to injury, I’m allergic to glitter body products. I break out in hives >.<
Weird Conversations People Have
- My ulcer/bladder/diabetes is acting up. What. the. hell. Why do I need to know about that? It just makes me feel horrible, upset for you, and I am NOT a doctor so I feel utterly powerless to help you with said ailments. The only response I can ever muster up for this a feeble “oh…yeah,me too?”
- When my *insert loved one here* died…Oh my God, what? There is no good response for this. I find myself repeating “That’s crazy…” over and over again which makes no sense, but there it is.
- Talking about gaining or losing weight in weird ways. Someone always has to share their latest miracle drug to lose weight, cure cancer, or wrinkles or something. Don’t get me wrong; I love my skincare, but that is a weird topic to indulge at the dinner table. You know, because there’s no escape if the conversation goes south and then you’re just sitting there trying to act like you believe said miracle drug works and are going to run home and purchase some on Amazon the moment you leave.
Weird Things that Happen
- That one relative is always a jerk no matter how nice you try to be. It’s true what they say about the holidays bring out both the best and worst in people. I swear, without fail, at least one of my relatives says something seriously rude to me. Where do people get off with their snide comments? Can’t they save it for after I finish my pie?
- Older relatives fall asleep at the table after one too many glasses of wine. We have to suppress the urge to check their pulse because a morbid part of us feels like holy sh*t, did he die? This always scares the crap out of me and simultaneously makes me want to laugh. Probably because inside I’m in hysterics.
- Somebody cries in either happiness or sadness and it’s super awkward. This is inevitable when people have had way too much to drink, but
At the end of the day, despite their awkward, strangeness, they’re still my family and I love them, all of the insanity and hilarity included. I wouldn’t have our holidays be any less weird or dysfunctional because then it would just feel too…normal.